First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
