You really coming over, don't trick.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
this just has baby written all over it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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