Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
