You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
