Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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