i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
