ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
