Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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