life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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