I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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