I heard we made out
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
