I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
