Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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