drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
