Where are you?
In a non slutty way
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
