I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
