I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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