So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
