Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
