i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
