i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
