guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
