All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
