he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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