her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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