Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Found the puke drawer
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
