I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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