didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
