So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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