i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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