$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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