She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They have beer where we have blood.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
