Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
