So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
