his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
