Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
