he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
