just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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