my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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