Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
