I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
