I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
