she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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