My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
