I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
this beer tastes like vomit already
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
