there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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