I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
