I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
