Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
