Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
